The Talk
by Dariusj401
Summary: One Shot. Batman and Red Hood have their promised talk. Harley eavesdrops, because she's Harley. Set after my other story Suicide Squad: Jokes on You. Rated M for Jason's language.


**A/N: Here's the first of most likely many one shots featuring Jason Todd and Harley Quinn. Enjoy**

Jason was lying down in his bed, looking at the ceiling. Harley rolled over and placed her head on his bare chest.

"I don't get it Quinn." He sighed, feeling the warmth of her body next to his. He put his arm around her.

"Don't get what?" She asked. It had only been a couple of days since she moved in with him and they were already in the same bed.

He shifted a bit. "I don't get why you chose me. I'm no Joker. What's so special about me?"

She sat up and looked at him. "That's the thing. You're not mistah J. You don't treat me as if you own me. You don't tell me what to do. You don't tell me what to say. You don't get all homicidal if I flirt with other guys."

"...I don't about that one." He scratched the back of his head. She playfully hit his chest.

"I mean it. You're special. Something new. I don't feel held down by you." She looked into his eyes.

He smirked at her. "I thought you and the clown were a happy go lucky couple."

She rolled her eyes. "On his best day. On his worst, he was that Tyson guy and I was the opponent.

There was a moment of silence as Jason thought out his next move. He reached up to grab her face lightly.

"I may be a violent asshole, but I won't treat you that way Harls. Unless you decide to break some laws. Then there won't be any saving grace."

She smiled and kissed him. He sat up, returning her kiss eagerly. She laid back down as he climbed on top of her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, her tongue prying for entrance into his mouth.

Suddenly, there was a clearing of the throat, causing Jason to reach under his pillow and grab his pistol. He got off of Harley and looked around in his room, aiming to find the intruder. His eyes stopped searching when they saw the familiar outline of the Batman

"What the hell are you doing here? How long have you been here?" He asked. Harley sat up as well, covering herself with the sheets.

"Long enough." Batman answered without moving. Harley gave him a dirty look. "You know, there are websites if you wanna watch people screw each other Batsy."

Batman stepped forward a bit, his attention staying on Jason. "I'm full aware. I'm here to talk to Jason."

Jason looked at Harley and nodded. He put his pistol in the back of his pajama pants and got out of the bed. He motioned for Batman to go first. Batman opened the door and walked out into the living area. Jason closed the door behind him and walked over by his T.V.

"Okay, you wanna talk. Let's talk." Jason said crossing his arms.

Batman took off his cowl and placed it on the couch. "Before we talk about how you're alive, why the hell is Harley Quinn here? Why is she in your bed? Why were you two trying to suck each others faces off?"

Jason noticed Bruce's annoyance. "Waller assigned me to keep watch on her, by having her stay with me. She's in my bed, because that's where we sleep." He chuckled. "Me and Harley have a thing going on. She's into me and I'm into her. I mean really into her. She hasn't even been living with me for a week and I've already fucked her."

Bruce scowled at him. His irritation evident. "You...what?"

Harley got out of the bed and crept to the door. She opened the door a crack and listened.

"Oh don't start bullshitting me Bruce." Jason said. Harley thought for a second, confused.

"Bruce? That must mean….Batsy is Bruce Willis! That explains why he never smiles." She smiled as she listened on.

"Are you telling me, that if the opportunity wasn't presented to you, you wouldn't fuck her? Oh wait, I'm sorry. I forgot that you and the warrior chick are a thing."

Bruce glared at Jason. "We are not a thing. At best we are becoming close fr-"

Jason cut him off. "Look we both know that when you are close to a female, you get close. By close, I mean fucking close. Literally. It's okay, I would've fucked the brains out of that chick the same day I met her."

Bruce growled. "Leave her out of this Jason!"

He nodded. "See? Getting defensive about her. You two are totally a thing."

Bruce tried his best to get the topic off of his relationship with Diana. "You are with...Harley Quinn. She's a criminal!"

"I am too! I mean, that's what you think right?" The venom in Jason's voice became very evident.

"You are. Killing them makes you no better. You are just as ba-"

"Oh don't give me that shit! I read the articles. The reports. You became the one thing you've hated your whole life. Bruce, you killed people. Those criminals, you killed them. At least I get headshots most of the time, you? You snap necks and blow up cars with people in them. You're not better than me!" Jason slightly chuckled.

"I AM BETTER THAN YOU!" Bruce sighed. "I am not like that anymore. I've seen the error of my ways. Someone showed me better."

"Oh who? The flying God who got murdered by a cave troll monster? You can try and try to make excuses, but you can't take back what you did." Jason said.

Harley was actually deeply invested into this conversation. The back and forth was interesting.

Bruce sighed. "I know I can't take it back. But I can do better." He ran a hand through his graying hair. "How are you alive?"

Jason nodded and thought about the night he was brought back. "Your baby momma. Talia al Ghul. Speaking of which, congratulations on being a dad. I just recently found that out. Where is the little guy anyway? How come you didn't have him take my place?"

"He will be no where near Gotham. I will not lose another son. He's with his mother." Bruce said, clearly thinking about the last time he saw his son.

Harley raised an eyebrow. "Batsy has a son?"

"Aww, I was a son to you. It's too bad you left you son to get blown up."

Bruce glared at him. "I…..nevermind. What did Talia have to do with you being alive again?"

Jason clapped his hands. "Right, so she snuck into the morgue and switched my body out with a fake one. That's what she told me at least. Apparently there is this pit of chemical shit that brings back the dead."

"The Lazarus Pit." Bruce sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "That explains why you're like this."

"Like what?" Jason asked.

"Nevermind." He grabbed his cowl. "I want you to know this. I don't approve of you and Harley Quinn."

Jason yawned and rolled his eyes. "Yeah I know. I don't care either. You're not my dad assbat. Hey, I like that."

Harley tried to stop herself from laughing.

Bruce put his cowl back on and looked at Jason. "If you ever act like a criminal, I will find you. If Harley is let out onto the streets, I will find you. If you kill, I will find you."

Jason smirked and nodded. "You won't have to find me, I'll be standing in the open, waiting for you."

Batman turned around and opened a window. He looked back at Jason, giving him a look, then he jumped out of the window. Jason walked back to his bedroom. Harley saw him coming and jumped back into the bed. Jason opened the door and walked over to the bed. Harley was sitting up pretending to watch T.V.

"How'd the talk go?" She asked.

"As good as my looks." He put his arm around her. She grinned. He looked at her and back at the T.V."

"Harley?"

"Yeah?"

"What were you doing while we were talking?"

"Just watching T.V like right now."

"Harley?"

"Yeah?"

"The T.V's off."


End file.
